a pleasant tomorrow

is it time to bloom yet??

I haven't posted since NOVEMBER!!!! I had not realized it has been so long. There has been so many changes. I started working at a Native American Indian Reservation. It has been a very eye opening experience. I am with sixth graders for most of the day and then one class of eighth graders. It is not always easy. They are very tough kids who have never been given boundaries or maybe even love. They have foul mouths and even worse attitudes. They are very submersed and so ingrained in their culture and ways that they do not even have a desire to experience the world or even to acknowledge the validity of other cultures. They even go as far as being down right racist. They do not like whites or mexicans and even more so blacks. They are enveloped in gangs, broken homes, teen pregnancies, illiteracy, drugs and alcohol. They break my heart and overwhelm me with both compassion and anger for a world creates such devastation for these children. They are so proud to be Native American, they declare it loudly and often. And yet they know little about their past beyond the injustice - they know drugs, alcohol, sex, anger - and they believe that they are some how living as Natives. The fact is they are more "American" then they know. Though I wish they would come to know Christ's love and salvation, at the very list I wish they would understand that it is in there hands to change a stereotype and not beleive the lives fed to them that some how this is what being Native is.

I have enjoyed my experience with these youth, though heartbreaking and hard to handle, I loved investing in their lives and getting to know more about our world and be open to cultures and lives outside my own. But life moves on, and though I will continue to fervently pray for this community, I have recently got a job in Irvine as a ..... Ok well I don't know what I am, but I am working with Corie and Kelly for a Christian woman who does payroll for companies as well as handling all finances for wealthy individuals. This is one of many, many changes. Christine is moving back to Chino to be close to her family :(, so Courtney and I needed a new roommate. Well roommate turned into roommateS! Enter Corie and Kelly! We are moving in with them and since all three of us are going to be working down in Irvine and Courtney works in Chino (and we all want to avoid the 91 freeway and have some more change) we are moving to Orange County...somewhere around there at least. And I officially put in my two weeks notice and the old Barnes and Noble. On top of all of this I graduate with a Masters in Counseling Ministries in May and am really unsure as to where God is leading next.

Whenever change is on the horizon my spirit begins to get restless. I begin to be filled with excitement and discontentment. I feel as if I am going to burst out of my skin. I mean I hate change...lol...but when I know something new is coming it seems like a new beginning. A new beginning for me to become the person I want to be. It seems I have the opportunity to become the bright, shiny person I desire and have always longed to be. It may have to do with the fact that summer is coming as well. Summer has always been my New Years. It has always marked the end of one year and the beginning of a new year - a year that will be the best year ever. It's the year I am going to learn to knit, or loose twenty pounds, or connect with people, or invest in people, or take vitamins, or paint, or read six books... lol. I find when summer is nearing and change is dawning, I want nothing more then for it to be here NOW! but at the same time I cling to what is and I am aware of every moment - trying to collect and save them all. And the worst is the mourning of the past. When ever new is on the horizon, old is sure to be on my mind.

When explaining all this to Courtney, she oh so lovingly reminded me that I overthink everything and that I need to set realistic expectations and remember that outside change does not equal inside change...inside change is hard. I am trying to be content where I am and to enjoy the moments I have, but I can't help but be excited and sad - bittersweet is cliche but oh so accurate. I also am very aware that just because change happens in my external life, doesn't mean that my internal life changes. Therefore I am trying to realize and balance my desire to grow and learn and become a new me, with the realization that it doesn't happen over night. I don't want to lower my expectations, but I also don't want to set myself up for failure. So for now I am excited and just patiently, or not so patiently waiting for what is ahead. Thank you to all those who have been there along the way...and for those of you who are still towing the line....did I use that right??

songs we sing

So I thought about writing a post about all the new albums that are out, but then I thought no! I should post about the concerts I've been fortunate enough to see lately...and then I thought...BOTH! As mentioned above there are quite a few new CDs that need to be listened to, more on that later. Courtney and I were able to see Cheap Trick performing Beatles song at the beginning of the summer, followed by a fantastic performance later on that summer by Fiest...then rounding out the summer we saw Steely Dan (don't ask) and are getting ready to go see the great diva herself Celine Dion.

In December we are going to see Oasis....yes that's right Oasis..I love them. Their new album is totally worth buying. Ok I'll admit it's not their best ever, but it's still is really good. It's not like they lowered the bar, they just didn't raise it. It took a little while to grow on me, but it definitely has. And Ryan Adams (NOT Bryan Adams) is there opener...how crazy is that?!?

Speaking of new albums Jenny Lewis's new album Acid Tongue..is so good. She gets help from M.Ward and her boy toy Johnathan Rice, and even her sister is featured as a backup singer. It really worth looking into and Kaylee and I were able to go see a show of hers in SD. It started off interesting with a few smaller bands, and I was starting to get worried about what I had dragged Kaylee to, but as soon as Jenny hit the stage magic happened. I couldn't believe how pure her voice is, even live.

The Avett Brothers, Kings of Leon and Snow Patrol all recently released albums as well...its was like a blizzard of great music there for a while (and now the movie season begins..yeah). The Avett Brothers are always a must, Kings of Leon is excellent, again not as amazing as their previous, but oh so good nonetheless. Lastly, Snow Patrol's new album, A Hundred Million Suns, has officially been in my CD player for almost a month and I have yet to get tired of it. They definitely raised their bar!!!

the Truth about Hope

Welp, there it is. Barack Obama is our new President. I am not fearful to have a Democratic President, even if we do not see eye to eye on ever issue. I was faithful in voting according to my convictions and am proud to live in a country where I can be open and free about my beliefs and views. Though I am disappointed in the election, I understand and fully believe that my identity lies within my decision to be a Christ follower, more than my decision to vote one way or another. I believe that during this time it is imperative for Christians to understand two things. One, they are watching us. By 'they' I mean our neighbors, our coworkers, other Christians, our cities, our country, the world. Those who are watching to see if our faith is real, even those who are hoping to see us fail. The fact is that during stressful times, times of uncertainty, and especially times that may create circumstances that we are less then pleased with, are the most important of times. They allow us to show that our Trust lies in God and not this country or its people. You may not be pleased with the out come, but it is our responsibility to think about our actions and our reactions to the events going on in our country. Are we going to chose Love over Hate, Hope over despair, and Truth over Reality. Grace and Love, must come with Truth. God does not preach one without the other, and shows us these attributes of himself throughout his word and in our daily lives. I am anxiously excited about the future and our opportunity to show God's Truth and Love above all else. I am proud to be a Christ follower, and rest in this over any political party or country affiliation. We must pray for our president and those in office, but even more we must pray for the Church. We must be fervent in our praying, that the Church would look within itself to allow God to truly transform our lives. Praying that Christians today would take seriously their relationship with God and that we can only be instruments of healing, when we understand the ramifications of living a life that is truly focused on God's will and purpose for our lives. I know that many Christian will let me down, or even embarrass me in the years to come, but I am only responsible for myself and my own actions and words, and pray that God is glorified in them. I pray for wisdom for myself, my family, and my friends that choose to serve God, that we would understand and follow through with being servants of the Almighty and vessels of change in the lives around us. No matter what happens in our country, I am more interested in what happens in the hearts and lives of those whom I am blessed to have a relationship with and to invest in their lives and them in mine. I will continue to do my part in prayer and further my knowledge and Love of God, and the serving of those around me in His name, and have hope that through this God will bring the change that we so long to see. My hope is never in humanity, but in God and God alone.

I'm Just One of the Kids now!

Wisdom Teeth extraction turns you into a Cabbage Patch Kid (And I look way better then Yesterday!)

pigs and lipstick

So we are in the midst of the political storm and it is getting ugly. So ok I'll admit I was at first swept by Obama and all he promised, but slowly and surely I have seen that most of it is fluff. I like McCain and Palin - I know, I know, I just said like, not love. I am starting to give Palin more and more credit, but my initial response was to hold off praise until I could see she was for real and not just a ploy. The fact is I really struggle with politics. I grew up in a home where politics were on the tongue pretty regularly, with FoxNews always blaring in the background. I was very political, and passionate about voicing my opinions as a young adult, but I have become Switzerland in my old age. So much of what I learned as a child has been tested as an adult - and a great deal of it held up, but there are things that I learned that I had to make my own decisions about, especially dealing with the Christian life. This soon lead me to question even politics and my reasons for backing what I did - or even caring for that matter. Its not like I don't care about my rights and privileges as an American, but I have realized that a great deal of it is just blowing air and I'd rather focus on things within the Church. I am not a part of any party, because I do not want to be labeled as anything and therefore be associated with people that I may not agree with. I'd rather stand on my own and listen to both sides. Of course because of my faith I side mostly with Republicans, but I will admit that environmental issues, war issues, and social justice issues (and the fact that they are multicultural lol) are often much more appealing on the Democratic side. I agree with much of Palin's ideas, but I'll admit I don't like the idea of hunting - not that I'm opposed, it's just not me (but it seems like so many are impressed that she does it) - and I would rather not drill in Alaska. I also understand that we need to be independent of foreign resources, but I hope she really does pursue alternate fuels. The fact is I like Sarah Palin, but I think its funny that I have heard people talk about how bitchy Hilary is, and then praise Palin, when quite frankly she is just as bitchy - she just happens to be on our side. But to quote Tina Fey "B**** is the new Black!" So I am not saying she is horrid, the fact is I like her because she seems to be genuine and plus you have to be a little bitchy to get things done (just watch Tabatha's Takeover on Bravo!). And I just want people to remember the grace they have shown her and her daughter with their current situation, and instead of blasting the opposing side - listen and maybe even pray for people they disagree with. So though I love to walk the middle line and be open to things and hate being categorized (I am an EFNJ after all), I'll choose a side. Not that I am going to go out and buy a McCain/Palin bumper sticker -but nevertheless I'm leaning their way.

i know that God will work it out

The last few weeks have not been easy. I took my job for granted. It went away. I have to remember to not take things for granted - anything. Count it all a blessing - even the trials. I know that God will work all things out.

we went, we saw, we conquered - we want more

So Court and I (Brooklyn - RIP jk) finally made it to the Big Apple. It started out a bit rough, with a snoby little man denying us a place to sleep - but we are strong women who handled it with great dignity - ok I cried - but we found another place and all was well with the world. I also made the mistake of wearing my Rainbow sandals as we ran around the city streets with our luggage and weather that made you sweat in places you didn't know that you could sweat in (I know I know you have sweat glands all over - don't get scientific with me - it was hot and humid!). So basically I gave myself deep Indian burns (is that racists?) and open flesh wounds on my poor little feetsies and had to hobble around for the rest of our days. But it was all made right by the city herself - I don't understand how people can afford to live there but one day I will find a way. Most people go there for dreams and with exact objectives in their minds - I just want to live there - I am just a sucker for a city that is that vibrant and undeniably cool. So we saw the great Patti Lupone in Gypsy - it was a great play - but in the last twenty minutes it became the greatest thing ever in my whole life - if I could do even a smidgin of what she did I would be on Broadway in an instant. We also saw Spamalot and a new musical called [Title of Show] - both kept us laughing the whole time - you must look into the second - its so worth the viewing. Lastly we saw the longest running show - that's right Phantom of the Opera on Broadway - I know I did not appreciate it as much as Courtney, but I appreciated it as much as my little unknowledgeable heart could - and crazy Meg could not even ruin it. We went on a ferry and saw so much and walked and walked and walked to see as much as we could, but of course need at least another trip to get it all in - But we did go into Mood and buy buttons (if you don't know what I am talking about you need to get on the bus! The PR Bus that is). So here's a list and some pictures...